Egg Bhurji: Breaking Kids into Indian Food

Hmm. Hello. 

Today. Today, I have nothing to say. 

Today is a day like any other day... 

but I have, to offer, nothing gourmet. 

Today we practiced, over and over, 

rhymes and rhymes, 

like food and mood and dude and rude 

and it was okay, 

sitting on the parquet, 

dreaming of soufflé or a fun flambé.

But nothing to offer gourmet.

Yay?

Egg Bhurji is something I remember from my childhood. I remember it from my grandmother's kitchen and my mother's kitchen. Funny how that grandmother is not my mother's mother. Anyway, I'm passing it on today. Because you're worth it, like L'Oréal. 

You'll need:

(Adapted from my mommy.)

1 medium onion

2 small tomatoes or 1 large tomato

2 tablespoons of ghee or butter (You could use vegetable oil, just not olive oil please.)

1 handful of frozen peas

2 green chillies (I didn't include it this time because of the kids but I urge you to do it if you can handle it. You could also use some chili powder for some extra heat.)

1/2 teaspoon of turmeric powder

1/4 teaspoon coriander powder

1/4 teaspoon garam masala (optional)

1/4 cup of milk

4 eggs

Salt and pepper to taste
Fresh coriander, to garnish (I didn't have any at home. You can choose to eliminate it.)

Chop your onions, chillies and tomatoes up. Yes, I know you can't see the tomatoes on top but use your imagination until I show you.

There we go. Tomatoes and onions. Let them sweat then add your peas, turmeric and coriander powder (as well as the chili and garam masala if you're using them. No fresh chili for me this time. Cry.) 

But I was sneaky enough to add in some red pepper flakes. Muahahaha!

Pour the egg mix in, scramble and let it set according to your preference and garnish with fresh coriander. Serve, preferably with a flat bread. Happy kids every time. Happy adults every time. Who says no to Happy? (Btw, this is a great idea for Sohour, in case any of you are fasting during Ramadan.)

Chocolate Cake better known as: "Finished Already"

We are split into 2 camps in this house. The chocolate camp and the vanilla camp. Lately, the chocolate camp has been complaining of unjust treatment. The chocolate camp claims that the vanilla camp isn't doing its part to make chocolate fit in. It's claiming that we're hoarding all things vanilla and not stocking up on anything chocolate. "What if there's a chocolate surplus in the world and people need a recipe?" they ask. "What if you're the only one whose blog doesn't have much chocolate in it?" they ask. They play on guilt. They play with me and I take it. Why? Because I secretly like chocolate too. Just don't tell them or we won't be 2 camps anymore. 

You'll need:
(Adapted from Smitten Kitchen)
1 stick of unsalted butter, softened
1 cup of packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup of granulated sugar
1 large egg + 1 egg yolk, at room temperature
1/2 cup of low-fat yoghurt
1/2 cup of milk
1.5 teaspoons of vanilla extract
1.5 cups of all-purpose flour
3/4 cups of cocoa powder (If you're using Dutch processed, keep the recipe as is. If not, eliminate the baking powder and up the baking soda to 1/2 a teaspoon.)
1/4 teaspoon of baking soda
1/2 teaspoon of baking powder
1/4 teaspoon of salt
Broken up chocolate bits to scatter on top (70% cocoa dark chocolate is the way to go on this.)

Preheat the oven to 160°C. Butter and lightly flour a loaf pan. In a large bowl, on the medium speed of an electric mixer, cream the butter until smooth. Add the sugars and beat until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the egg and beat well, then the milk, yoghurt and vanilla. Don’t worry if the batter looks a little uneven. Sift the flour, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder and salt together right into your wet ingredients. Stir together with a spoon until well-blended but do not overmix. Scrape down the batter in the bowl, making sure the ingredients are well blended. Pour the batter into the prepared loaf pan. Spread out your broken chocolate bits onto the top to get that amazingly uneven, melty texture. Bake for 60 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean. It might take a little longer. Cool in pan on a rack for about 10 to 15 minutes, at which point you can cool it the rest of the way out of the pan. 

At this moment, a little one in the house starts screaming, "Look, it'th not cake! It'th frosssteen!" We're trying to work on pronouncing things more beautifully, the way a "Princess" would. Shoot me. (By the way, turns out princesses get annoyed when they find out it's not frosting.)

Ripples.

This evaporated into thin air. As you finish this post, there will be no more of this cake in this world. Until you make it.  

Piece of cake?

Rosemary Bread: A Letter to a Craving

Dear "Italian" Herb Bread for I know no other fancy name,

I don't like it when you bribe me into eating you at Italian restaurants. I've promised myself countless times that I won't touch you again because you're free and things that come for free aren't as great as people make them out to be. I promised myself again that I wouldn't touch you because my life is not lacking in carbs. The best things in life are NOT free and you being free makes me just a little teeny tiny bit suspicious of you (not to mention, fat). I won't fall for it when you're aiming at my hips again. But you know what, I've missed you. I haven't seen you around lately and the longing got... long... so I decided to bring you home in the shape of flour and rosemary and dress you up until you become yourself again: hot, soft and loving my hips. I'm so sorry I can't eat you right now. You see, I'm fasting and I won't be able to take a bite of you for another 3 hours and a half. But the kids did so don't be sad. Alas, I have a feeling you'll be gone before I get to try you since we have little people who have just discovered balsamic vinegar. I know it means the world to you to have me eat you since I'm the one who nurtured you into adulthood but I want you to know that I'm so proud of your beautiful crust. They way you sound when I knock on you is just the way it should be and I won't even talk about your color because people might think I'm racist. 

Love you lots,

Fasting Foodie

You'll need: 

(Thank you, Emily at OneLovelyLife for 

a relatively quick and super easy recipe)

3/4 cup of warm water

1/2 cup of warm milk

2 teaspoons of yeast

1 teaspoon of sugar

2 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil

1 teaspoon of dried rosemary 

1/4 teaspoon of garlic powder

2 teaspoons of salt, plus extra for sprinkling

3 cups of flour

A spray bottle full of water

You'll need the things above to make this thing below. But, the things above are not all you need. No, no. 'Tis not that easy. Read on. Read on. Reaaad on. [Insert Depeche Mode's Dream On tune.]

Combine water, milk, sugar and yeast and let it bubble for around 5 minutes. Add your olive oil, rosemary, garlic powder and salt and stir to combine. Add the flour half a cup at a time, stirring well after each addition. Your dough should be relatively sticky. Turn your sticky-ish dough onto a floured surface and knead for 2 minutes. Put your dough in a greased bowl and cover it with cling wrap. Let the dough rise for an hour or until it's doubled in size. Punch down the dough and divide it in half. Form each half into a ball and place them on a pizza stone or cookie sheet. Slash the top of the dough ball. You can slash an X into it or diagonal slits. You decide. It's your bread. Cover and allow to rise for another half an hour. Bake at 220 degrees Celsius for 15 minutes. Spritz inside the oven every 3-4 minutes with the water spray bottle. Allow to cool then slice and serve with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Pretend it has a fancy name. It's more fun that way. Xx. :) 

Oaty-Cherry Crumble

"All the world in one grain of sand
And I've blown it
All my world in one grain of sand
And you own it
Black cherry, black cherry, stone
Black cherry, black cherry"

-Black Cherry, Goldfrapp

LADIES (And MEN who like to cook or eat or have a strange obsession with food photos)! How about we pretend that the Internet is the world, nothing else exists, and we all get along just like we do online? How about we pretend we never had to find out how babies come out of mommies' bodies? How about we pretend we were never asked that question as adults ever? How about we pretend to be a little healthy and add cherries and oats to the two evils: flour and butter? How about it, ladies (and men who fit into the long descriptive phrase above)? Play pretend with me.

Pretty cherries. Yummy cherries.

Pop your cherries. Or rather, pit your cherries. Pamper them by drizzling them with some vanilla and water.

Crush the almonds. I spared them the torture of skinning them. So kind of me.

Mix your dry ingredients together in a small bowl and mix in the butter with your fingers. I love the feeling. I wouldn't use a mixer to do this EVER. It's so pointless even if you're making a bigger quantity.

Pop it in the oven for 25 minutes. It starts oozing pretty colored juice (that's not so pretty once it stains). 

Oh look at that. No, no. Not the water on the tray. Look at the edges. Look at the natural gooeyness of it all. Revel in it.

Eat! I get happy when I make something I can't say "pig out" to. It makes you feel that little extra better about yourself. Extra points if you eat it with yoghurt! 

You'll need (per bowl/ramekin):

5 to 7 pitted cherries

1 heaped tablespoon of all purpose flour

5-7 crushed almonds

1.5 tablespoons of rolled oats

1.5 tablespoons of brown sugar

A pinch of salt

1 tsp of water

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla

1 tablespoon of cold butter

Extra butter/oil for greasing

Preheat your oven to 200 degrees Celsius. Grease each bowl or ramekin. I didn't have enough cherries to fill my bigger ramekins. Throw in your cherries into the serving/baking dish. Combine all your dry ingredients and mix them. Add the cold butter and mix it into the dry ingredients. It'll stick to everything and become... crumbly! Add the dry, buttery mixture to the cherries and bake for 20-25 minutes. Like I said earlier, extra points for yoghurt. Penalties for ice cream. We're trying to pretend we're good to our bodies, remember? 

Skewered Sentiments

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed, 

one fell down and bumped his head.

Papa called the doctor and the doctor said, 
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

One little monkey jumping on the bed. 
He fell off and bumped his head. 

Mama called the doctor and the doctor said, 
"Put those monkeys straight to bed!"

Dear Disney Channel, 

Do you know how sneaky you are? You've always been sneaky, yes, making us little Muslim girls on the other side of the globe think we can Americanize ourselves and marry Cory Matthews and Ben Savage way back in the 90s to the complete Jonas trio, the current Disney "it" boys. See, Disney, I was fine with that. I didn't have a problem when you made our hormones race over boys we wouldn't ever consider marrying when we grew up. But now, you're just cheap. Now you want our little girls wearing Jimmy Choos and Prada but pray tell, Disney, are you going to buy them too at the marked up prices that are even higher than that of your "developed world"? Do you really believe that a child watching the evil blonde bimbo sing lyrics that go like this: "Iced tea imported from England, lifeguards imported from Spain" and "Fetch me my Jimmy Choo flip flops, where is my pink Prada tote? I need my Tiffany hair band" will actually believe that the evil bimbo brat is evil, horrid and a bad role model? Or do you think they're going to wish they were 16 so that Daddy can buy them Jimmy Choos with his spare money? Disney, you're an evil cow. Eff you very much for forcing me to explain things that are a little too early to explain. I will now have to try to convince the kids we're Arabs AGAIN through fake Shish Tawooks. You suck.

Stabs & wounds,

Betrayed & Bullshitted 

Raw chicken! Fun! Salmonella! Not fun!

Wash your hands video (with local accent).

"Don't be dirty fellow."

(You'll get it if you click the link. Don't look at me like that.)

Mini Chicken Skewers
You'll need:
4 chicken breasts
3 tablespoons of olive oil 
1 red pepper, cubed
3/4 of a medium-sized onion, cubed
1 teaspoon of rosemary
1.5 teaspoon of thyme
1/2 teaspoon of dried parsley
1/2 teaspoon of black pepper
1.5 teaspoon of salt
1.5 tablespoon of lemon juice
Mini wooden skewers


I marinated the chicken for an hour but you're welcome to marinate it for longer.  

Browning up a bit.

Put your thyme, rosemary, parsley, salt and pepper in a bowl and combine. Add the oil and lemon juice to your mixture and whisk lightly with a fork. Pour it all over your chicken, which should be cubed into small cubes. Isn't it awkward when you use the same word often in a sentence? Toss the chicken in the marinade until it's all coated. Slippery stuff. 

Get your skewers and start threading, alternating the pepper, onion and chicken. Pour some olive oil into a large pan, or a small pan, but you'll take so much longer, which just gets boring and then you end up smelling of chicken a little too much. Place it over medium heat. Cook on each side for 5-7 minutes. Take it off the stove and get excited. Whee! Eat! Double whee! 

Happiness.

Microcupcake: Technologic

Hello, my lazy friends. Today, 2 little people had chocolate cravings and I, voted Today's Queen of the Lazy, couldn't be bothered to actually get off my butt and BAKE a proper chocolate cake. Why bake one when it'll take you hours to find a recipe you're dying to try? But then some hidden energy I forgot I had today nudged me and reminded me of this superquick-supersneaky chocolate cake that you make in the microwave in 3 minutes. A little bizarre, yes, but then again people are using their microwaves for everything now so I succumbed. Is it satisfying? Yes. Does it make you smile? Yes. Should you leave it to get cold? No. This is not a save-for-later thing to make. You make it because you have needs. Demanding needs. Needs that need instant gratification. Yum! This is not for you if you're looking for "the best cake ever" (which you'll never find because it doesn't exist).

Microcupcake 
You'll need:
3 tablespoons of all purpose flour
2 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa powder
2.5-3 tablespoons of sugar
1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon
1 small egg
1/4 teaspoon of baking powder
3 tablespoons of melted butter
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract
2.5 tablespoons of milk
Icing sugar for dusting (I used vanilla dusting sugar.)

Put all the dry ingredients together in your mug then mix in all the wet ingredients. Mix vigorously (such a funny word) with a spoon for about a minute and a half or until all is combined and silky. Do a little dance while it cooks for 2.5-3 minutes in your microwave. It depends on the power of your microwave. Don't overcook it. It should look a little fudgy and moist. Happy lazy day! I'm definitely trying this out next time with mint. *evil grin*

Attack.

Half-Half Waffles: A Story of Love & Deception

I love carbohydrates. I love-I love carbohydrates. I love carbohydrates. ts. ts. ts. ts.

If you love carbohydrates too, pretend you know the tune to my song and sing along with me. It's currently very techno-y in my head and that's why there are two "I loves". I'm skipping. Now back to our point: what happens when you love carbohydrates as much as I do? You try to add some whole wheat flour to make believe you're healthier. So when you're in the mood to gorge on carbs, pretend you're being good to your body and feel like tricking innocent children into eating health(ier) waffles all at the same time (which can be very confusing, mind you), I recommend you make these. 1. Because they're good and warm and soft. 2. Because they're freezable. Aha! Freezer fun! Become a cryogenicist today!

Half-half Waffles

You'll need:

1 cup of whole wheat flour

1 cup of all-purpose flour

1/4 cup of sugar

1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon

3 tablespoons of baking powder

3/4 teaspoon of salt

1.5 cups of low-fat milk

1/2 cup of water

3 eggs

1.5 teaspoons of vanilla extract

Mix flours, sugar, baking powder, salt and cinnamon together in a mixing bowl. Add milk, water, eggs, and vanilla to your dry ingredients and mix well. Pour gradually into your waffle maker and cook according to your waffle maker directions. Serve with butter, syrup, fruit and sticky kisses due to stealing the first waffle.
(You could use 2 cups of whole wheat flour instead of one and one. I just didn't have 2 full cups left.)


And now a song to get rid myself of some excess energy: 
They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the Rumba beat. When I play the maracas I go Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom.